Mike Stein

My eyes are closed, and I remember my walk through the Polish forest, recalling stories told to me by my father. He is sitting on the shoulders of his brothers, running from the Cossack soldiers, sure that he is going to die. I composed a melody on the violin in Mezmiersz, Poland, years ago by the shores of the Volga, recalling the horror of tzarist Russia and the Holocaust. It needed something new; it felt incomplete. So I picked up my violin, closed my eyes, and as I recalled my father's story, I ran my fingers over the fingerboard, translating my thoughts and feelings into music. Then, something even more scary than my dad's story struck me. My beautiful musical intelligence, human spirit, and soul—will artificial intelligence take that away from me? Will it be a competition over whose expression is more real, expressive—correct?

Already, my fingers have to land exactly where a computer says 440 without question. Already, my timing has to stand up to a clicking machine. Don't get me wrong, this can be a tool for good. God knows that being out of time and out of tune can be upsetting, but how far do we go with a computer to make us perfect?  How far will we have to go to make our human-ness considered perfect? What will AI say when my heart sings, when my fingers find their spot on the violin, when I speed up because I am running through the forest when I slow down because I am finally safe—can the computer feel my heart still racing? Can the computer sense the sweat on my brow, running into my eyes? The tears running down my face? Will AI sit in judgment of the quality of my human response?  As the song says, "No one can take that away from me." I am scared that we may allow AI to steal our souls.

Honestly, I scare easily. Already, I am aware that my pitch accuracy is sometimes in question, but it is because I am human. I am aware that my tempo varies; it is okay because I am human. But now, when my emotions take control of me, as they should when I am composing, is AI de-composing, evaluating my emotions, and assigning its digital melody? Is its own mechanically accurate evaluation of what it means to be human more valid than mine? Should I care--will I compete with an artificial artistry? Change my pitch--it's okay. Change my timing--it's okay. Change my mind, my creative process--that is NOT okay.

I remember when mixing a song, the horn section was put through the "tuner." It sounded too perfect. I said, "Let them be a little out of tune—that's what it really sounds like in a live situation !" (No offense to horn players!) Already, this generation is comfortable with computer-generated music, perfectly in time and perfectly pitched. Will the next be comfortable with computer-generated melodies and lyrics? 

We are at a crossroads. We need to claim our sacred and inalienable right to be human creators of art. The Holy One gave us that gift to share with our fellow humans and to express the beauty of creation with the world. 

To artists, writers, and musicians, I say don't use it! Don't buy that AI program and input your ideas into a machine that might create something the world may accept as truth. It is not the truth. It threatens our very existence as artists. Close your eyes as you write and imagine AI watching over your shoulder. No one, nothing has the right to live inside your mind.

I closed my eyes and wrote a beautiful final section to the melody I knew was right. Then, I saw AI right there in my mind, stealing my thoughts and interpreting my imagination. Is that what this new technology is trying to do. Yes it is, and it is WRONG.

Okay, there were six Hassidim that were on the plane. I loved seeing them in their tallaisim and tefillin as we reached the time for Shema. It was a shock to the passengers, but I think that they were counting on it. I am not sure what was going on because they would not speak to me when I met them at baggage claim. Their silence evoked several questions in my head: "were they on a covert mission (not dressed as they were!); was their silence a tool of piety?; or were they simply scared to reveal their purpose?" Who knows, but it was good to see Yidn heading to Poland. 

I slept well last night and seemed to be on Poland time, and the breakfast was terrific. I went to the mall to find a thumb drive—it is amazing after all of the planning that I still forgot some major stuff. At least here, I can generally get what I need as opposed to Africa. 

I had a great meeting with Joe Smoczynski, the spiritual leader of Masorti Ki Tov Centrum synagogue in Warsaw. We talked about many things, including the future of Masorti Judaism in Poland, conversion, and education. It was enlightening to say the least. After that, he brought me to the synagogue which I had been to before. But now, it has a permanent ark with three sifrei Torah, and some beautiful artwork displayed. 
We then walked to the Nozyk Synagogue, the home of Orthodoxy in Poland, and met with Rabbi Shudrich, the Chief Rabbi of Poland. Our conversation was extraordinary--we shared familiar stories of our youth in NY, shared some Torah, and talked about the state of Jewry and the immigration situation in Poland. Rabbi Shudricha went to JTS in New York and then several years later went to Yeshiva University. I talked about my wonderful teacher, Hazzan Abe Golinkin whose brother, David Golinkin, was Rabbi Shudrich's roommate at JTS! 
Rabbi Shudrich's concern for the immigration problems at the border of Poland was commendable, and we talked about the possibility of doing a fundraising concert to support the situation while I am in Poland. 
All in all, a fabulous day which could not have been better! I walked many miles today, and I did okay with the help of a patch on my back. I hope to get stronger and stronger as I do more walking during my stay. 
Tomorrow Shabbes at the Masorti Synagogue and Havdallah and Malavei Malka at the Reform Synagogue, Eitz Chayim. What a beautiful way to spend the Sabbath! Shabbat Shalom to Kelley and all of my incredible family, and many many blessings to everyone.

I am sitting in the air terminal waiting to go to Poland about LOT Airlines. I am looking around and seeing many Hassidic Jews and wondering why they are going to Poland—perhaps on a mission? I look closely at some of them, and I see the Hassidish profile—the beard, the payis, the look of intention. I go immediately in my mind to the beautiful culture that cut down in its prime. I see these religious Jews going to Poland to support perhaps their brothers and sisters or possibly teaching at the few synagogues that remain.  And then I hear the Israeli accent over the loudspeaker--"flight so and so to Tel Aviv is available for boarding."  I wake up from my stupor to realize that the Hassidism I thought was returning to the birthplace of their movement was flying to the land of hope and life. 

What was I doing sitting in the lounge, preparing to board the plane to Poland? A place where Yiddish phrases hung in the air like the alluring smell of honeysuckle--but not today. Where Jews walked to shul and Shabbes was strictly upheld--but not today. Where men in their Shabbes best sung Ashes Chayil to their brides.  But today, Jews still live in Poland. They are not living in the past. They are not living in the shadows of what was, but in the spotlight of what could be. That's what I am doing here in the Polish Airlines lounge. I LOVE Israel--but I have also come to work in the land where my dad was born, where generations of my family lived their lives. I want to give Jews the opportunity to enjoy and love our tradition as much as I do. After the terror, after communism, Jews realize their Jewish Heritage tours and festivals are not about "those people," but about them. They need our help. We help communities all over the world to make Judaism a way of life. What happened to the source? The very place that gave birth to the most outstanding scholars, rabbis, artists, writers in Jewish history, why aren't we there to light a fire. Create a spark. Why? 
I board in a little over an hour. I am already tired--my canceled flight this morning, forcing me to take non-direct flights that were consistently late. But I did get to see my son Jacob, and it was a great machaya!!

I found myself looking back with great affection to the time that the acting bug first hit. In 1966-67, a program called "The Workshop" that the NYC Department of Parks offered.  Thousands of youth auditioned, and I was one of 25 that were accepted.  Attached is an article and below an excerpt from the NYC archives: 

"The Workshop, under the direction of Gordon Duffey of the Parks Department will present two full length plays this season. The plays produced will be one musical play and two short operas for children. One play is an original musical   Asterisk on the Moon! (book and lyrics by Gordon Duffey, music by Edward Mannato). This play will be for younger children. There will also be performances of two short operas for older children,. "He Who Says Yes" and "He Who Says No" (librettos by Bertholt Brecht, music by Kurt Weill). In addition, weekly sessions in creative drama, jazz forms and movement, singing and acrobatics for the stage will be held for all children who register for the Workshop. Registration for participation in the Gimbels-Parks Department Theater Workshop will take place in Gimbels 6th Floor  Any school child in New York (from grades 1 through 12) may register for the Workshop and audition for one of the two productions." 

Yes, rehearsal was on the 6th floor of the Gimbels Department store.  My parents did not want me to go, but I made it work--I had to pay for the subway and bus fare. I want to think that their resistance was because rehearsals were on Shabbes, but I am confident that their wish for me to be a doctor was more substantial than their desire to make me Shabbat observant.  In 1966  I was 15 and in my last year of high school.  Most students would have been 17 or 18, so perhaps that was also part of the equation.  Anyway, that is why I support every artistic endeavor that my three sons pursue.  Even when I was on Broadway, to my parents, I was a failure.  It's taken years to wipe that from my memory or at least to deal with it positively.  

Anyway, getting into the NYC Theater Workshop was a fantastic achievement that filled me with pride.   We did Bertholt Brecht's "He Who Says Yes" in the style of Japanese Noh Theater.  I will never forget how we centered our bodies, crouched almost in a sitting position, and moved our legs in a stylized way. I had played Petruchio in Kiss Me Kate in high school, but this was in walking distance with Broadway, just about 20 blocks away--in the big city!   

I started Queens College in 1968 and was hugely disappointed that I was not allowed to even apply for anywhere else (where I could get away from the rents).  Tuition was free, and I lived at home and majored in drama. I got to work with Stacy Keach (who was with La Mama at that time) and director Gene Frankel (director Tony award-winning "Indians"). When I got a part in an off-broadway show, forced to decide-- school or working actor, I left school. The show was called "Heat" and workshopped at the Public Playhouse where "Hair" originated. I got my first review in a show called "Contributions," where the reviewer panned the show but loved the actor who moved the scenery with flair (me).  
In 1969 I was accepted to the  Lake Placid Playhouse Summerstock company, where I played in many shows, including a "Funny Thing Happened on My Way to the Forum" and "Showboat."  The most impressive memory of that summer was watching the moon landing. What a huge step for humankind! Mind-blowing to a kid who watched a NASA representative tell us all about the project at a school assembly in 1964!

For me this year, preparing for Pesach, Passover, is not only about cleaning. It’s also about putting together the finishing touches for the Cantors Assembly "A True Feast of Freedom" Haggadah. Based on the experiences of a Cantors Assembly trip to Uganda to support the Abayudaya and celebrate the community’s 100 years of existence, it tells the story of Idi Amin's overthrow on the 14th of Nisan, the very day that Pesach begins. After eight years of terror and living underground as Jews, the Pesach of 1979 was spent in the open, a true celebration of freedom from the despotic Pharoah, Idi Amin. 

Our trip was in 2019, and it has been a two-year journey to finishing this project, including spoken word and music. Every time I edit the piece, I think of something I might have left out or could improve. Sometimes you just have to let it go! (Now I hear my beautiful grandchildren singing in my head! Thank you, “Frozen.”) 

Still, I worry there will not be matzah or wine at the seder table of the Abayudaya this year. Usually, they are provided by travelers who visit the area, but that is not the case in this pandemic. Flash—just got a message from Gershom that they procured what they need! I also recently heard from one of the Abayudaya’s Stern Synagogue prayer leaders, whom I teach, that he is ill and cannot get the medical care he needs. A COVID test costs 250,000 UGX, which is about $70 USD. The average salary of a Ugandan worker is $17,000 a year, which prices the COVID test at a little over 20 percent of a weekly salary! 

(I keep thinking—what if they had a manufacturing business that made a finished product that could be sold to the world market? It’s done with great success in other developing countries.) 

This Pesach, let us be grateful for the things we have. There is a quote from the Abayudaya’s Rabbi Gershom in our Haggadah that “food is not obvious even on this holiday.” He suggests we put aside food, give to pantries, and understand the process of farm to table. We are encouraged to plant bitter herbs for next year's seder to catch a small glimpse of what it takes to live in an agricultural society. And can you pass a 40-pound jug of water around the table? Imagine what young children and their mothers are asked to carry every day from the borehole well to the table. 

This year, think of what you can give. Not just money (although that’s always helpful), but more importantly, time—the time to take action that will help bring future success to this spiritually thriving but financially struggling Jewish community and others like it that, despite their living circumstances, continue to live Jewish lives. I can't wait for you to hear the music and read our Ugandan brothers and sisters' words.

Betzalel was the artist endowed with Ruach Elohim, the spirit of God, who was tasked with using his talent to build the tabernacle in the desert. I have always understood the concept of a holy spirit, but not until now have I really looked at the name Betzalel and broken it down. 

B'tzel, (in the shadow of) El (God). “In the shadow of God." 

If there is one belief that I can truly grasp about the Holy One's existence, it is the universe's fluid harmony. Every minute of every day, I feel connected to this wavelength of creation that’s present in everything: the sounds of all that surround me, sometimes even images that create a vibration of being. According to Hassidism, there is life in everything, and this life creates a pulse. When I hook into this pulse -- singing, playing an instrument, even hearing the subtle hum of a fan -- I am in awe. 

This Heschel-ian radical amazement is my channel to reaching spiritual heights. It is, for me, ruach Elohim. It happens when I close my eyes to play as my fingers find that spot on the fingerboard. It happens when I sing on behalf of the congregation to the living God. It happens when I walk outside and hear a bird sing or even the rhythm of a jackhammer. 

When we first moved to California, my younger sons would throw jam sessions at our house that started late (and LOUD) at night. Eventually, I had to get to sleep. I would get in bed, close my eyes, and if the drummer was not playing in time, it would keep me awake -- not the loud banging but the varying interpretation of time. However, if an even louder drummer (how could that possibly be?) would play in time, I slept like a baby! 

I remember when I realized that the music was in me. In third grade at PS 133 in Queens, I was given the choice either to take an arts and crafts class in model making or to play the violin in the orchestra. I chose the model-making class. About a month later, I came home crying because I was so bored. My parents got me into the orchestra, and my love affair with music began. 

Attached to this blog is a picture I drew in kindergarten that my parents kept for years. Clearly, the muses had already conscripted me. 

So it is in the shadow of God, in that ever-present pulse, that my creativity resides. It may not be God -- who really knows? -- but I do know it is a unifying force that transcends all.

SOON TOO SOON 

"Soon" is the first Broadway musical I ever appeared in. And it opened and closed soon – too soon: after three days. I had worked for the director in a theater company on East 4th Street where I literally swept the floors and did a little acting. He got a chance to direct “Soon,” and he hired me. I guess hard work pays off! It was spectacular for me to be in a Broadway show when I was still a teenager. I worked with Peter Allen, Barry Bostwick, Richard Gere, Nell Carter, Vicki Sue Robinson (Disco Fame), Joe Butler (Lovin' Spoonful), and Marta Heflin. I was in love with Marta Heflin, but she was much older than me (probably 30, but that seemed ancient). She was charming but made it clear that I was just a kid. Joe Butler and I hung around a bit. I was blown away when he invited me to his loft in the village to play music and see his recording studio. But what was truly impressive was that he had recently bought the place from John Lennon. 

I have a funny story. I forgot that a very famous actor was in “Soon;” it was probably one of his first plays. Many years later, Kelley and I went to see the movie “Chicago.” Richard Gere walks down the stairs -- and I recognized his walk! I had seen him in many movies, but I’d never made the connection until then. I checked the “Playbill” for “Soon,” and there was his name directly above mine! 

I was not out of work long because, lucky for me, the agent who was casting “Prettybelle” was in the audience. Word was already out that “Soon” would close, soon, so she was scouting performers. “Prettybelle” became my next show. 

After that, I started performing in backer’s auditions for a show called “Inner City Mother Goose.” The director was the great Tom O'Horgan. (More about him later.) I will never forget being in the living rooms of very wealthy people all over the city who might be interested in funding this show. The amount of money it cost to raise a show back then is equal to the cost today for a couple of Orchestra seats to “Hamilton.” Not really, but compared to today, it was laughably cheap back then to mount a show. 

It was actually in the first show that cost a million dollars to produce, called “Dude,” directed by the very same Tom O'Horgan. One of the singers in the troupe who was doing the backer’s auditions gave me some excellent advice. He wanted to mentor me in the art of singing pop music, so he asked, "Why do you sing with so much vibrato?" I answered that my only reference was the cantor in my synagogue. I wanted to sound like him. So this singer worked with me, and now it’s really funny: people tell me I’m a cantor who sings like a Broadway artist. Oh well, what goes around....

Energy-we believe that we need to light the fire, wind the springs and halfway explode out of the starting gate to get things done. Once we learn that we don't need all of that extra force, we realize that we can begin less intensely, and we will go farther on less fuel. I am amazed at how much fuel I still have.

It was 50 years ago. My second Broadway show never made it to the Great Bright Way (thanks Whoopi) and closed out of town at the Shubert Theater in Boston. So it was Friday, and my answering service (remember those) called me to let me know that rehearsal, instead of starting at 11 am, was going to start at 9 am instead. I never checked my messages, so when I woke up at 9 am and called in, I freaked! I got dressed as quickly as I could, jumped on the subway and got to the Japanese Theater on 96th St and Broadway for rehearsal. The old movie theater had all of the seats taken out and became a rehearsal venue for Broadway shows. 

The show, called Prettybelle, was written by my second cousin, whom I called “Uncle” Jule Styne. My Actors Equity name was Michael Jason. There was another Michael Stein in the union and two people could not have the same name. When I signed the contract for my first Broadway show, "Soon," at the Equity office, I arrived at 4:15 pm thinking that the office was open until 5. I found out at that time that I had to change my name in a couple of minutes!! I tried Michael David (my middle name), David Michaels--on and on, and no success. So I went out to the lobby and looked in the phone book--it was one of those classic wooden ones with the accordion door and hanging phone book. Then I remembered that my high school girlfriend, Beth Bender and I decided that if we had a child , we would name him Jason. So I went back to the office. "Michael Jason," I inquired. "Yes, that seems to be available," they replied and hence the name. 

I am telling you this because when I was asked to play a role in "Prettybelle" with Angela Lansbury (I was her musical conscience), the agent who saw me in Soon hired me on the spot for the role. So my Uncle Jule at first had no idea that I was in the show. 

Back to my story. I am running into the rehearsal hours late, crossing the vast, empty orchestra with no seats--everyone is watching--Jule Styne, Angela Lansbury, Bob Merrill, Gower Champion (choreographer), and Charlotte Rae (more about her another time). I run up the steps to the stage and fall flat on my face!! Everyone laughed--and I suppose that they felt sorry for this rookie kid. No one was upset, but boy, were they amused!! I think at first they thought that I was a fantastic slapstick artist-- no, just clumsy. BTW, the recording of Prettybelle is available on the Original Cast Recordings label. 

https://www.amazon.com/Prettybelle-Musical-Styne-Merrill-Recording/dp/B00MVS68QE 

Just a reminder that when you get all wound up you get all shook up.  Bye for now!

Today was an exceptional day. I was invited to be part of a panel that celebrated the legacy of Theodore Bikel z"l, called Remembering Theodore Bikel sponsored by the UCLA Milliken Center for Music of American Jewish Experience and Hillel. Theo and I become very close after I moved to LA. I met him at a Jewish festival in Chicago when I was playing fiddle with Craig Taubman. The morning after the festival was over, I came down to breakfast, and Theo was sitting all alone. I had played fiddle with him the day before, and we spoke musician talk--but now I would have to talk with him in another language. I was very nervous because he was my hero, an icon to me--and I really don't like to talk that much anyway. But he invited me to sit with him, and we had a lovely talk. What a warm and wonderful man. That was about 1995. In 2000 when I moved to LA, I was invited to a jam session at Severyn Ashkenazy's home, and Theo was there. We not only resumed our musical conversation but we became very close friends. He loved my wife Kelley and the boys, and we started to have regular jam sessions. He even came to my house for a bluegrass jam. We also did a concert at the American Jewish University called Jewgrass!! Anyway, at the soirees at Severyn's and other places, we would stay till all hours of the night, and Theo would tell stories that kept us in stitches--it was like a dream come true for me. When I first got to LA, I gave him a call. He wasn't home but left me a voice message. I did not erase that message for many years--My idol was speaking to me, and that voice---THAT voice warmed my soul.   

When Theo met Aimee, she made sure that I continued to be involved in his life, and as his health deteriorated, I was there with him more and more. I sang at his wedding to Aimee--and my sons played as well. For his 90th birthday, I produced a concert at the Saban Theater with Aimee. It was spectacular--with Peter Yarrow, Arlo Guthrie, Frank London, Lorin Sklamberg, Craig Taubman, Tom Paxton, Cathy Fink & Marcy Marxer, the Life Choir and of course the Stein boys!   

Theo and I felt like father and son. He said some very touching things to me and I knew that our relationship was extraordinary. He love my wife Kelley and my sons, and he wanted to become an honorary "Rolling Stein." 

In the year before he died, I produced a two-CD set-one spoken word the other music, including two new pieces that we recorded in his home. I co-produced this with Cathy Fink and Marcy Marxer for Red House Records. I spent hours in his living room, asking him questions and recording his story. He let me use his very special guitar which was made for him in Spain. This instrument had been silent for years. I tuned it up, but the nylon strings didn't want to cooperate. I did my best to keep it tuned, and as Theo sang, I sat in front of him and prompted him. Here was my idol, a master guitarist and singer, and I was his guide. I was playing guitar for him! I was counting the beats and reminding him of the words. It was an act of love on both of our parts--it was like taking his hand and walking him on the path. It is one of the fondest memories of my life.  

Years back, I had traveled to NYC to the funeral of his wife, Tamara Brooks. I sang the memorial prayer, and I know that he loved me being there to honor her memory. I think that I was the only person from the west coast to come. When our beloved Theo passed, I officiated at his funeral. His faithful friend, Peter Yarrow, sang, and I did my best to eulogize the most incredible human being, performer, writer and activist, that the world has ever known. It has been challenging to tell this story since his death. I still listen to the tapes of our interviews, and I get choked up. Today's event felt different, magical, and freed me up to move on. I will listen to his voice, and I will not feel sad, only grateful and joyful for knowing this great man who lived every minute of life to the fullest and graced mine.

Guess I'll try anything to find spirituality. When I was younger, so much younger than today, I searched for meaning in different worship and meditation forms. I became what is known as a Jew-boo, finding spirituality in chanting and soaring towards nirvana. When I was young, even though I loved Judaism, it left me with a lot of information and no skills to find God. So I chanted Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, with my legs crossed in the lotus position. I also really loved Ram Dass' Be Here Now ("We're fascinated by the words--but where we meet is in the silence behind them.").

So after years of searching, I went to Danbury, Conn., where my parents had a little cabin and where my mother spent her last days of life. I went down to the lake, swam to a rock, got in the lotus position, and started chanting. I guess in facing my mother's imminent death, I wanted some way to enter a place of calm and connection with the universe. As I was chanting, I realized that the Buddhist mantra's quick chanting was really no different from davening--(speedily saying the Hebrew liturgy), and a light bulb went off. Why was I chanting in a language and adopting a culture that I did not truly understand? All of a sudden, like Forrest Gump, I stopped (remember him running across the country?), climbed off the rock, abandoned my search, and went back to square one--my Jewish roots. When my wife Kelley converted, her learning vaulted me further on my Jewish journey. I would go to the hospital in those times and would sing at her bedside.  Eventually I had to leave and go back to DC, and she passed a week later.  I was at the ocean and the moon was full, and as I walked on the beach near Rehobeth, Del., I felt her soul begin her journey.  I wrote a song about her and I am including it in this blog. 

Sometimes when the moon is full  
I remember the night you passed  
Standing at the edge of the ocean  
Like the waves my heart had crashed  

In the moon's soft glow I steal a glimpse of  
The mother I could never replace  
I hear your song in the voice of the sea  
How I love this place  

God neither sleeps nor slumbers  
Hinei lo yanum v'lo yishan  
Neither does a memory fade  
In the darkness of night or the stillness of dawn!  
Esa einai I lift my eyes  
To the Holy One Blessed Be He to the skies  
The light of your love………..never dies  

Every year I light a candle  
Place it in the sand  
When the full moon paints a line  
From horizon to the land    

I tell your story to my children  
They sense your presence here  
I see your beaming face shine down  
As moonbeams draw you  near…..chorus  

As waves of memory wash over us  
Your help is ever flowing  
Ezri Maim Hashem  
We're comforted in knowing

God neither sleeps nor slumbers   
Hinei lo yanum v'lo yishan   
Neither does a memory fade   
In the darkness of night or the stillness of dawn!   
Esa einai I lift my eyes   
To the Holy One Blessed Be He to the skies   
The light of your love………..never dies    
(Tag) I can feel it in the moonlight I can feel it in the ocean  
You live inside my heart.  

I remember when uncle Jule died. It was a fantastic send-off with the world's greatest composers like Marvin Hamlisch and Stephen Sondheim telling humorous stories and relating fond memories. And I went to the private graveside ceremony. I wanted to make sure that someone who knew how to say Kaddish would be there. Margaret (Jule's wife) and Nicky (Jule's son) turned to me and said they were glad that I was there.  I remember Nicky's wedding Jule saying the motzi prayer over bread. He sounded like everyone else in my Eastern European family. My dad, first-generation, my mom, second-generation--aunts, uncles, cousins--I guess the tie that binds us all together is our history and our religion that God-willing will carry on. God neither sleeps nor slumbers!